So yesterday was the first time my husband saw his affair partner since I found out about it…. Keeping in mind that it’s been over for them since July 2013 & it’s only me discovering it in Feb 2015 that has forced it to resurface…. So it was bound to happen, they still work for the same company. They still don’t work in the same building nor do they have the same hours so it’s really unlikely they’d bump into each other, but it could always happen by chance. And yesterday that’s exactly what happened.
He called me.. He sounded very serious and said he had to tell me something. He began by only saying “I saw LV”. I said “ok. what happened or how did that happen” or something to that affect. Basically in a nut shell, he walked out of an office he happened to be in, she was in the common area on a computer in front of that office and when he walked out it was unavoidable that he didn’t see her. He said he looked at her…. she gave him the nastiest look ever and he walked past her, out to his car & called me to tell me right away. I asked a bunch of questions about ‘the look’ and how he felt about the entire thing, and her & his look, did he give her a look, how did it feel, how do you feel, did you care, etc….. I asked questions for the rest of the work day & a couple at night. I am asking further questions today…. All of them in as nice a way as one can ask their spouse about their affair…. but point being, not screaming or upset or yelling…. simply asking questions.
So I ponder….. and it occurs to me that she really really has a hate on for him… I ask myself…. what makes anybody hate someone with that much passion to that degree?? Ahhhh…. Betrayal…. It may be twisted, no, it is twisted but I believe that is exactly why she is treating him the way she is. She never thought in a million years he’d tell me their secrets I mean come on… she kept his, the entire way through for the better part of 2 years & even for 1.5 years afterwards – how dare he tell me the truth!!!!! How dare he tell me intimate details about their phone calls. Why would he tell me, he didn’t have to, there was NO proof, it was something he could have protected her from (me learning the truth). I believe fully that she feels hatred for him because he betrayed her by telling me all the things he did. She would know how much he told me because I wrote her a letter & told her I knew about: a, b, c, d, e, f, etc…… and of course she didn’t respond to me… Only to him and was furious. “Never speak to me again, make sure your wife never contacts to me again”
Would a true or ‘real’ friend do this? Seriously, I’d love your thoughts if you’re reading this. Would a true friend with absolutely no devious intentions be ok with any of this? For starters, when your friend of the opposite sex tells you he’s having trouble at home with his wife so could you only contact me through work email & not the home email so she doesn’t know…. Would a true friend say ok, or if you truly cared about him & yourself would you not say “no… I’m not going to be a part of that and frankly, I’m pretty surprised you’d even go there – that’s not like you”…. I mean if she was a true friend, then she knew him leading up to that point when his life was all about me & the kids….. Wouldn’t someone who cares about you, seeing you making really poor choices call you out on it??? I tell you, I would want my friends who care about me to say ‘stop being an idiot’ and NOT be a part of whatever I’m doing if it’s destructive to my life.
So at the end of all this, what I’m saying is, his AP is feeling betrayed by him. She kept his secret (her) and she feels betrayed that he would tell her secrets (the trash talk & everything else) that he didn’t have to cause there was no emails of proof and that he choose to be honest with me over keeping her secrets…. and that is why she hates him. Clearly not an innocent victim as she’s claiming to be but someone who not only played an equal part in it – also got her heart broken.