So yesterday was the first time my husband saw his affair partner since I found out about it…. Keeping in mind that it’s been over for them since July 2013 & it’s only me discovering it in Feb 2015 that has forced it to resurface…. So it was bound to happen, they still work for the same company. They still don’t work in the same building nor do they have the same hours so it’s really unlikely they’d bump into each other, but it could always happen by chance. And yesterday that’s exactly what happened.
He called me.. He sounded very serious and said he had to tell me something. He began by only saying “I saw LV”. I said “ok. what happened or how did that happen” or something to that affect. Basically in a nut shell, he walked out of an office he happened to be in, she was in the common area on a computer in front of that office and when he walked out it was unavoidable that he didn’t see her. He said he looked at her…. she gave him the nastiest look ever and he walked past her, out to his car & called me to tell me right away. I asked a bunch of questions about ‘the look’ and how he felt about the entire thing, and her & his look, did he give her a look, how did it feel, how do you feel, did you care, etc….. I asked questions for the rest of the work day & a couple at night. I am asking further questions today…. All of them in as nice a way as one can ask their spouse about their affair…. but point being, not screaming or upset or yelling…. simply asking questions.
So I ponder….. and it occurs to me that she really really has a hate on for him… I ask myself…. what makes anybody hate someone with that much passion to that degree?? Ahhhh…. Betrayal…. It may be twisted, no, it is twisted but I believe that is exactly why she is treating him the way she is. She never thought in a million years he’d tell me their secrets I mean come on… she kept his, the entire way through for the better part of 2 years & even for 1.5 years afterwards – how dare he tell me the truth!!!!! How dare he tell me intimate details about their phone calls. Why would he tell me, he didn’t have to, there was NO proof, it was something he could have protected her from (me learning the truth). I believe fully that she feels hatred for him because he betrayed her by telling me all the things he did. She would know how much he told me because I wrote her a letter & told her I knew about: a, b, c, d, e, f, etc…… and of course she didn’t respond to me… Only to him and was furious. “Never speak to me again, make sure your wife never contacts to me again”
Would a true or ‘real’ friend do this? Seriously, I’d love your thoughts if you’re reading this. Would a true friend with absolutely no devious intentions be ok with any of this? For starters, when your friend of the opposite sex tells you he’s having trouble at home with his wife so could you only contact me through work email & not the home email so she doesn’t know…. Would a true friend say ok, or if you truly cared about him & yourself would you not say “no… I’m not going to be a part of that and frankly, I’m pretty surprised you’d even go there – that’s not like you”…. I mean if she was a true friend, then she knew him leading up to that point when his life was all about me & the kids….. Wouldn’t someone who cares about you, seeing you making really poor choices call you out on it??? I tell you, I would want my friends who care about me to say ‘stop being an idiot’ and NOT be a part of whatever I’m doing if it’s destructive to my life.
So at the end of all this, what I’m saying is, his AP is feeling betrayed by him. She kept his secret (her) and she feels betrayed that he would tell her secrets (the trash talk & everything else) that he didn’t have to cause there was no emails of proof and that he choose to be honest with me over keeping her secrets…. and that is why she hates him. Clearly not an innocent victim as she’s claiming to be but someone who not only played an equal part in it – also got her heart broken.
Rant over.
If Not Just Friends Than What 
Wow. Just wow. I mean she’s the OW and she’s angry? What? She thought he would keep their dirty little secrets? Is that really what all the fun is about? I feel like your story is from a grade school friend falling out, except it’s not, it’s from a marriage that is supposed to be with two mature people. Obviously, she is still fuming over her secrets getting out. Dumb girl, dumb affair partners and dumb stupid immature cheaters. I know name calling is dumb but I have no other words to describe how angry I feel for you and other betrayeds.
Hugs to you. I think you handled it much better than I could have if that had happened to me.
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Dumb is a nice word, my choice words are much harsher 😉
Thank you. It is very high school I’ve said that from the start. The entire thing is just dumb.
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You handled that beautifully. 😊
She’s pissy because she lost the game, he told you everything because now the window is open on your side and the wall is up for her. She doesn’t have a view of your marriage anymore and she’s pissed. It is very high schoolish of her to be acting like that as a grown ass woman!
I’m hoping my husband would do the same if he ran into his OW.
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Thank you xo.
I’m sure your husband would too. I think that once they’ve reconnected to their marriage it’s the only thing they would ever consider.
It’s hard to understand how this stuff even happens when connected. So sad really.
As for her. I don’t like her. At all!!!! I may or may not have called her a douchebag once or twice.
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It amazes me how these OW have such a skewed sense of what it right and wrong. Time after time “they” cast themselves as the vicitm instead of the victimizer. I guess it must be hard for them to see themselves for who they really are. Like I have said before in my posts…I would take the heart crushing pain of finding out about their affair, over being “her”. My eyes may be red and swollen from crying but I can look in the mirror without shame.
This woman you are having to deal with is just a sad individual, who is lying to herself. Until she owns up to her part she will never have peace, no matter how many dirty looks she gives. And NO…I would never be part of anyones deception. True friends tell each other the truth, they don’t take part of the lies or the problem.
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I couldn’t say all you e said any better. Thank you so much for your comment xo
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PS: she says she did nothing wrong and I’m crazy.
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Of course she would think that, because the truth shines light on the fact that SHE was the pathetic one. The truth hurts and Karma is a bitch.
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Gotta love Karma…..
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Yeah Kendra totally threw my husband under the bus and told her husband that he instigated it basically.. yeah owning up to their part doesn’t seem to fit the OW at all. no surprise there..
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We were just discussing what he should do if he runs into her the other day. He kept trying to tell me all the reasons why it won’t happen and I said that it still could, so I would prefer it if we agreed to a plan so that he couldn’t say he was caught by surprise or wasn’t sure what I would want him to do. He said he would do what your husband did and immediately leave and call me to tell me and part of me likes that answer. But I am not exactly sure that he told her how he feels about her or stood up for me, and part of me really struggles with not having that closure. He said he can tell her that she is worthless and he had hoped to never see her again, but then I decided that it is best to say nothing and leave. I’ll never get satisfaction and closure, but I suppose she knows who won, even if he didn’t tell her enough himself.
Also, if she did nothing wrong she would have come to you herself.
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Oh I absolutely agree. If she did nothing wrong she would want to tell me why I’m wrong and explain I misread it. No, she knows what she did and she’s scared I’ll tell her husband who’s a jealous ass normally so god knows what he’d do if I told him. Maybe assault my husband??
I think she truly hates my husband because she knows that she meant nothing to him and he sold her out immediately. When she learned this, it must have hit her hard that she was just some broad who told him exactly what he wanted to hear and realized by this betrayal to her that the reason he never said those things back to her was because he was using her for the ego boost.
Pathetic really. On both parts.
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It’s great your husband told you. We can live with honesty. However, the delusional bitches who REALLY believe their ‘man’ who is lying and betraying his wife can’t even bear a glimpse of the truth! At the end of the day, just a meant-nothing fucked up fantasy.
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I know…. it’s bizarre to me. I would like to be at the point tho where the fact that she is the way she is – a ‘victim’, and untouched by it all doesn’t bother me. I’m not there yet… but hopefully one day I just won’t care about how this has or has not affected her life. xo thank you for commenting.
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All the previous comments covered what I’d wanted to add.
Final Musings: I agree with you about what a ‘true’ friend would do. A true friend wouldn’t knowingly engage in something that is hurting their friend’s marriage. I’ve committed to not being a married man’s best friend. I don’t want to be the HER in anyone’s marriage.
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