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I used to be beautiful… I used to turn heads. I was thin, very pretty & I never had to try to get anyone’s attention, I never felt invisible but I always felt alone….. I was far from the whole package… I was beautiful, but I lacked substance….
When I was beautiful I wasn’t kind, I was selfish, I wasn’t trustworthy, I had no integrity, I wasn’t loyal, I wasn’t honest, I felt no compassion for anyone and I was simply an object that was easy to look at.
Now that I am not beautiful, I am kind, I am not selfish, I am trusthworthy, I have integrity, I am loyal, I am honest, I have compassion for others, I am no long an object that is easy to look at but I have substance…
When I was beautiful I was so unhappy and always wished I could be better looking & thinner and be more desired because I thought that would fill the gaps & voids in my life…. Now that time itself has transformed me into a middle aged woman who’s got extra weight & wrinkles (no grey hair because I dye it) I am still wishing to be thinner & prettier – I guess truly, more like the yonger version of my physical self…. but with 20 years of life between me & that 20 something year old I have gained wisdom and so much more… if I had the ability to pick one or the other like in a magic fairytale…. be the gorgeous girl & finally appreciate the looks I was blessed with, OR stay as is, the overweight middle aged woman with life experience that has molded her into someone with subtance…. who would I choose?
That’s pretty easy…. I would never go back to being someone who only cares about herself…. I would never choose to go back to that selfish kind of life where I was only ever concerned with me, me, me me and still miserable all the time anyways… I may not be beautiful like I was, but I am beautiful as I am now, and more of a complete package than ever before. I am proud of who I have become & I have so much to offer the people in my life, and myself. My challenge now is to embrace & love the woman I am now physically and learn to appreciate the qualities I possess and not feel empty for what I don’t….. which I’m realizing is to be young. 😉
If Not Just Friends Than What 
I identify with so much of this! The difference in my case was that I usually put others and their wishes first, but through age learned how to gracefully put myself first. (Well, most times gracefully 😉) Of course, my next birthday I’m 50 (Gah!) and realizing that each year makes me more invisible to the world at large has been painful. Yes, this is a very shallow thought from a faded beauty, but I’ll own it.
I LOVE your closing. It’s a zinger truth –
“My challenge now is to embrace & love the woman I am now physically and learn to appreciate the qualities I possess and not feel empty for what I don’t….. which I’m realizing is to be young. ;)”
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Omg I LOVE what you said about being more invisible to the world at large. I totally feel that too and damn, I will own it too!!!! Thank you for your reply and for being a faded beauty sister xo we should start a club 😉
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We will own it together! It’s kinda like Hotel California. We can check-in but we can never leave 😁
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